When your husband or wife is extremely ill or in the end stages of life, you can feel as though your own life is over. You've undoubtedly been overwhelmed with thoughts of how you will handle your spouse's needs, and your time is understandably taken up by all of the caregiving that your partner requires right now. On top of that, you might be juggling a full-time job and, if you have children still living at home, their needs. Here are some tips on getting through this difficult phase of life with your sanity intact.
Help Yourself First
When you fly on an airplane, the first tip you're given is to apply your own oxygen mask before assisting someone else with theirs. The reason for this is because if you aren't getting the oxygen you need, you aren't going to be strong enough to help anyone else. When caring for a sick spouse, it can seem natural to let your own needs go by the wayside. This can lead to what is known as caregiver burnout.
Take the time each day to attend to your own physical and hygiene needs. Get up, take a shower, put on clothes that make you feel good about yourself and take care of your hair and makeup, if applicable. Find a way to get enough sleep, and make sure that you're eating regularly. As an adult who has been taking care of yourself for decades, this might seem like common sense, but it's very easy to spiral into the habit of not caring for yourself.
Combat Loneliness
If your spouse is seriously ill, you are probably reeling from a lack of companionship. The relationship that you once had with your husband or wife has ended, at least temporarily, and a new caregiving relationship has begun. It's normal to feel lonely and in need of someone to talk to.
Join a support group for those who are caring for their ill family members. Ask your spouse's doctor or hospital for a list of resources; they have undoubtedly heard this request before and should be happy to help. In addition, you might need to reach out to your friends for support. Many times, people do not know how to help grieving or overwhelmed friends, and they might unintentionally ignore you and your needs. Don't be afraid to speak up for yourself and ask for a lunch date or a girls' (or guys') night out.
Find an Outlet for Your Worry
You're worried about your husband or wife's health. You also might be worried about the impact on your children, the state of your finances and whether your boss is going to give you more time off to accompany your loved one to appointments.
While these are all practical concerns, worrying excessively won't help. In some cases, this can lead to clinical depression or an anxiety disorder. Take up journaling, gardening, yoga or whatever else relaxes you. Talk to a therapist if your worry is too heavy a burden. Also, commit to a regular exercise program, as physical activity can help combat depression and anxiety.
Get Help
In order to take care of yourself, manage your loneliness and find the time to seek counseling for yourself, it's vital that you have help. If you don't have adult children or your spouse's parents to take on some of the responsibility, click here for info on options and consider hiring an in-home caregiver. The person you hire will be experienced in dealing with senior citizens and those who are ill, and should be able to help by spending time with your spouse, helping him or her with daily activities and even driving to appointments. This will free you up to do the things that you need to do in order to keep yourself mentally and physically healthy.
